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A Restoration Of Faith

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“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” - Hebrews 11:1


Our sense of reality is dependent to some degree upon faith. After a year of half truths haunting  our psyches, the numbing affect of screaming oppositions, and the onset of confusion that breakdowns and new beginnings often bring, we emerge into the new year seeking to rebuild slowly and steadily. January is named after Janus, the Roman god of endings and beginnings.


This may be a time of reflecting on your own inner truth and how it has evolved; what it means, how strong it is, and how to express that truth in a meaningful way amidst the backdrop of a world in extreme mutation.


How can we express anything in truth without a foundation? Foundations help to emancipate us from varying degrees of unconscious, fight or fight states. Our expressions and creations cannot withstand storms without strong roots. And we cannot materialize our ideas without strong faith.


I am not necessarily talking about having to be religious or your own version of spiritual. Sure, one person may have faith in God, another in benevolence, another in process, or the sun rising at dawn. A surfer may have faith in the ocean, an entrepreneur in herself.


I believe having faith in one’s self, and that goodness ultimately underlies all, are two key understandings required to manage Earth life without despair. I believe in the power of process, even when it gets messy. I believe in the Light of Truth that underlies all life and every particle in this universe, despite manifestations of corruption and sickness mis-created from a collective mind of false selves who have forgotten their core and thus act in error…story of Mother Earth’s life— am I right? 


As a Course in Miracles so eloquently puts it, “Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists.”


This quote is not a denial of what happens in the world. It is however a denial that what we are seeing in any particular moment must be a permanent truth.


That quote is better explained as a metaphysical principle asking us to understand that what we see in the material world is temporary and always changing, and there is an ultimate reality of truth beyond the physical.


This Truth with a capital T is untouchable. Unbreakable. And accessible.


Everything is in mutation. What we see is an expression of collective agreements, thought forms, and perceptions fueled by emotional energy that amass so much power, they cannot help but manifest physically. Because that’s how the universe works.


What does not change, is ultimate truth. That is real which never changes.


We can look at the divine substance beyond the superficial material as un-manifest potential that can be used constructively to help the world. Humans have the power to do so if they choose. I have faith in that principle.


My faith is often tested. It was big time this year. What I’ve learned however, is that faith, like anything else worth while, is something to be developed, harnessed, nourished and matured. It’s strengthening takes your effort and engagement. And I don’t think I fully understood that before. Faith doesn’t necessarily drop into your life, fully ripened and ready to set you on course like a lightning bolt. You have to do your part. What you appreciate appreciates.



I’ll tell you a little story… When Helena was in pre-school I put her in a small little Waldorf pre-school collective that was just forming. We were the first class of parents getting together to make this happen in the east village. One of the first ideas her teacher discussed with us as parents, which, she conveyed, was very important to a developing child with a forming brain, I am going to share with you right now. In fact, it was so important that they asked us to decide what we believed first and make that choice, so that as it came up with our children, we would discuss it naturally and with a firm knowing. 


The question was: Do you believe the world is good or bad?


It’s so simple, but so profound. The answer to this question is usually a deep core belief we all have living in the mechanistic part of our brain, driving our subconscious to act and think and do things.


Is the world good or bad? I had this precious, baby princess to care for, so what would I teach her? How did I want her to see life and the world, how would her perceptions shape her imagination and creativity. I could make her world big and bright, or scary and tight.


For some of you reading this now, your answer may be easy to summon. For others, it may be a layered answer, or even an I don’t know. Though I gently remind you, that your mind cannot serve two masters at the same time.


I understand dualism and polarity, and likely you do too.  I am not talking about making an argument for the legitimacy of both light and dark. The question is inclusive of the polarity principle. Goodness can hold space for contradiction, juxtaposition, and opposites. It can hold temporal storms and capricious earthly moods.


So, when things change from your perception, from good to bad, and you no longer can find material evidence in front of you that demonstrates goodness, then what? Will you no longer believe the world is good? Does the soul of the universe cease to exist? Do external conditions dictate your internal operating systems? Do you find distress, change, or the unexpected deludes your resolve?


As we enter this new year with new energies coming in, and old energies leaving, making personal changes and adaptations, I remind you that choosing to develop faith is a mental discipline just as running is a physical discipline. As we look as what we were, who we are now and what we want to be, well, as Bob Dylan candidly puts it, “You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain’t no neutral ground.”


I went through a time period this year that was extremely difficult, working through CPTSD (complex ptsd). It took all of my bandwidth to face some of my biggest wounds. As I brought my energy “in” to work on this, it felt like I lost some metaphysical access. And I did. The immense growth process I am in is not taking it away of course, but rather, my sensory psychic system is evolving. But in the middle of it— I didn’t get it. I was fucking pissed. And terrified.

You see, my inter dimensional access and my mojo has been my way to survive. So feeling like it was being taken away was akin to something very detrimental.


I was crying one day, asking why this was happening during a time when I truly needed heavenly support. Had I not given enough of myself to this world? Had I not passed all the tests given? It felt like a cosmic jab after watching a lot of things in my life crumble. Like many people, I was afraid of surviving with a child in an insecure world when my business was destroyed. But beyond that, I was in the midst of some of the deepest inner work I’ve ever had to do.


Queries and frustrations were tumbling in my mind just before I heard the words…




Pause. Whoa. Finally. Guidance coming in.


But like, wait…. “Whaaaaaat??????”


I mean, at least I finally got an answer so there was some relief there, but the communication was so impersonal, solemn, matter of fact, unconcerned with my confusion and suffering. But, you know, thats how my guides are- straight to the point, no bs, matter of fact. Get up, kid.


A lapse in my education? What could this mean, I wondered.


“YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN ACCESS TO what most cannot perceive.  Many a great gifts have been ordained for your development and contribution. You have seen visions, visited realms and masters, and been given teachings your entire life. You have been granted permission to use this access to heal. And yet with all this evidence, still you doubt.”


This voice, this knowing, was right. I immediately got it. I sunk into myself sitting in my living room chair, staring straight forward. I was approaching my metaphysical world like a scientist. And I thought that was a good thing for a long time. I wanted evidence (in my own way), every time. And after every session, I would let go of the experience, detaching from the person, the work, what I seem to have experienced- and made my way back into the everyday world. I had the sensory ability to stretch my being into times and spaces beyond, and the cosmic savvy to get myself out of situations and learn. That is a gift, that I turned into a skill, that I turned into a business to help others.


But what this particular higher guidance was communicating, was that I lacked the mental conviction to maintain an earnest, developed sense of faith when all falls apart & I don’t have my psychic power tools sharpened (again there are time periods where they diminish to direct your consciousness in another area of life where attention is required). And it was time to approach life with a new operating system, if I want to continue to grow.


The thing was, my life’s already fallen apart a several times. I know this game. So, why do I need to go through it again? Prior to this communication, I did notice that when I tried to activate my old school warrior mode, it wasn’t working. I could no longer harness the same kind of power and energy that had gotten me out of difficulty before. I had become different person. And I haven’t played with the gears and controls quite yet.




So I challenged myself: had I ever had all areas of my life fall apart, while demonstrating real faith as I pick up the pieces and start over? No. I cannot say that. But once I get the game, I am on the lesson. And that is the difference this time.


I feel the support, love and foundation of powerful energy that I’ve build up over time, holding me while I reconcile my relationship with faith, with myself. So, the faith lesson was apparently required at this time ;) I guess was in spirit guide detention…. typical  Kalisa (exhales metaphorical cigarette). 


If an inclination of spiritual belief is not fortified by mental conviction, it is nothing. It is flimsy. It cannot serve in its full capacity. Faith serves us most when things go array.


And know that one can have conviction and an open mind at the same time.


A faith of the intellect admits doubt. A soul-centered faith in the invisible beyond has an unfailing assurance that, when embodied, builds Light substance in the physical being because energy grows where your attention flows. If your attention is on your faith in Lights immutable laws of love, well those higher vibrations commune with you. You create a space hospitable to divine flow. So, that’s another perk of belief in a benevolent orchestrating energy behind all physical matter —- when you start to see and feel it, you start to see it and feel it within yourself.


Think of the center of faith as being located in your head, between your ears and behind your eyes. Normally people expand their faith to the limits with which they see the world with their physical eyes and hear with their physical ears. But, you and I both know, there are energy centers and meridians of vision and hearing of a higher octave located in the head and these sensory systems download truth from the Upper Room, so to speak.


In an underdeveloped faith one is subject to constant distrust, lack of vitality, skepticism, pessimism, doubt and generally living in fear. Wack vibes. This damages not only your mind and energy, but your health and immune system. Life is a lot harder in a world without faith. I know this deeply because I have been entirely dedicated to faithlessness for a period of my life.


There are also different levels of faith. We aren’t always going to be on top of the world. But sometimes when despair looms heavy, hope can keep us going. Hope is an underrated aspect of faith that gives us the juice and momentum to not give up when life gets tough. It keeps us going until new conditions arise. A fragile faith may make us bold enough to take those first steps. It may give us the intuitive impetuous move along the path of heart, though our feet may be unsure of their footing, and terror of the unknown is unnerving. We still aren’t sure if, in the end, we will be alright— but, we decide to be brave and go along with it anyways. And when it does work out, it feels magical because we don’t quite yet understand how all these laws of light really work! 


If we continue to evolve our beings and consciously develop it, a whole and complete faith, an understanding faith matures into fruition. This faith knows unfailingly and most assuredly that ethereal truths are as legitimate as modern physical science. And when this happens, we will not hold fear in times of duress.


“The human brain has the propensity to reject any belief that is not in accord with one’s own view. However each person also has the biological power to interrupt detrimental, derogatory beliefs and generate new ideas. These ideas can alter the neural circuitry that governs how we behave and what we believe,” Andrew Newberg. (Born to Believe 2006)


What Newberg was saying, in laments terms, is we have the power to re-fire and re-wire the circuitry of our brains, changing our operating systems and thus behaviors. We can use this scientific understanding to develop faith. 


I invite you to examine your faith through the lens of your higher self, as well as to examine the strength of your mental conviction. Liberation is available to us, but it can be demanding.


You are here because you wanted to grow. Have the courage and the audacity to mentally affirm your faith in the Light of Truth that exists in the universe, and in the Light of Truth that inhabits you. For that is what you are, my friend.


But I cannot help you stand in that place, unless you choose it. So, is the world good or bad?


I will end with a quote from my favorite a badass-est mystic, “According to your faith be it done unto you.” - Jesus of Nazareth.

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