We all know it’s important to have healthy boundaries and to honor them.
We also know we have to allow for the context of the situation to influence our behavior and communication. It is important to approach difficult situations with some element of flexibility, compassion and understanding for all involved.
There are times to speak up.
There are times to simply observe and adjust our own behavior according to what we see.
How do we know when we are speaking up too much? Or conversely, too little?
How do we know when compromise crosses the line?
How do we know when we aren’t being flexible enough?
Answer — Watch your energy, it will tell you. How? Your energy communicates messages through your instinct. Instinct wisdom is communicated through your body and emotions.
When we don’t honor our truth by communicating authentically, energy gets pent up because we have not allowed the communication channel to move freely. Our body and emotions may feel trapped, restricted, or you may have the feeling that you need to “escape.” Stuffing our emotions and voice causes anxiety, uncomfortable physical symptoms, confusion and grief. Why grief? Your inner light has something important to say and your ego doesn’t think it warrants attention. This results in inner conflict. Inner battles manifest as outer battles. As above so below.
When we speak too much, our throats are sore. We spend more time talking than listening and may feel depleted, exhausted or the kind fiery that results in more friction than passion. We may have a tendency to overshare to strangers. We say things, but often do not feel settled after. So we say something else. And more. And go on and on trying to find a million different angles to relay our message. When you are saying the same thing several different ways and do not feel complete with your communication, it may be time to stop talking and take a few quiet days to meditate. Communication is getting lost, so it is time to go within. What are we really trying to say? What do we really feel? How can a perspective shift change how we choose to communicate? Can silence communicate for us? When you feel depleted or emotionally drained after excessive communication, it may be time to restore your chi by keeping yourself, to yourself.
When you see a pattern more than two times resulting in someone's inability to meet you in a decent way, despite healthy communication — you may be asking someone for what they cannot give.
Hello, may I please have an iced tea?
Your server brings you an orange juice.
Oh, excuse me, I ordered an iced tea. Thank you!
The server acknowledges your request, apologies, and brings you another orange juice.
Confused, you ask again for the iced tea.
If you get an orange juice again, how many times are you going to ask this server for a freaking iced tea?
You get what I’m trying to say here? Sometimes people want to give you what you need, but they don’t know how. People are only capable of meeting the world at the level of their own consciousness. Sometimes people have their own confusing agendas, are assholes, and their nonsense has nothing to do with you. Don’t take on other people’s dysfunction as your issue. Step back, recalibrate and point your energy in a different direction. See beyond. See the situation neutrally, without judgement for yourself or others. Who would go to the desert and expect the ocean. Why expect anything, good or bad? This world is full of it all. When something kind and lovely happens you, be in so much gratitude. When something unfortunate happens, you’ll be able to hold space for it without the baggage of disappointment from a high expectation. Do not ask for others what they cannot give. And remember, you yourself cannot give away what you do not have. Be wiser. Act on your instinct, wisdom, discernment and clarity. Avoid unnecessary suffering.
When we are uncompromising, our bodies and emotions are a little more rigid. You will feel less playful. If you know you are naturally inclined to more structure, steel boundaries, and haven’t had to live in situations where compromise was commonplace (for example you’re a boss who has lived alone and spent much time with self for many years, or you tend to look at life through your own eyes and have difficulty seeing other’s points of view, you were raised as an only child with lax household discipline, etc.) you might have a little less experience compromising. If you know this about yourself, perhaps after a conflict or altercation, observe your energy and ask your inner self if there is any atonement or adjustment necessary to find peace in this situation? Is my goal to be right, or make peace? Can I fully relax in the resolution of this conflict?
I often see “spiritual curriculum” patterns in the lives of clients, friends and even myself. For example, if you’ve lived a life suppressing your voice, coming into greater states of empowerment might be initially met with an over pronounced desire to share and express. A big pendulum shift to the opposite direction may serve as a remedy to past pain, even if you are still finding your balance. For others, silence may be the curriculum for a period of time. Perhaps are working on compromise. Or learning to go from having healthy boundaries as an individual to having healthy boundaries in an intimate partnership.
I express the importance of looking at patterns because they can offer life context that makes understanding ourselves, and others a little easier. A keen eye will notice them. (For help on higher vision, come see me for a session).
It sure seems to me that right now at this time on Earth, intelligent, fruitful, heartfelt communication seems to be one way we can alleviate the noise, chaos, nonsense and confusion we face collectively.
So, even if someone is acting a fool, practice kind communication anyways.
When you face pain and confusion inside yourself, take as much time as is required to understand the truth of your needs and how to efficiently express that to the person you’d like to hear you. How can you say what you need to say in a way that this person can understand?
Asking the right questions is an art form. And it takes practice.
Communication is an art form. And it takes practice.
None of us are perfect, but it takes courage to try. May you embody your inner mastery in this quest.
When you know yourself, it helps you understand the world around you with greater wisdom. You are able to read your own internal cues and will know more easily when something if off or on. Energy clearing can help enhance your self knowledge and increase your sensitivity levels.
If you are interested in working with me book your session here.