How can we truly connect with others and feel “seen” by our circle of piers if we do not share a similar range in terms of one’s capacity for depth? When I speak to this, I am talking about how each individual perceives reality. What we see, how we view the world, how we relate to ourselves, other humans, and our purpose is connected to our perception of reality. And our perception of reality is shaped by our capacity to experience depth around us. This is not to say that we cannot love someone who does not have the same level of consciousness. Of course, we can love and appreciate people for who they are!
However, understanding the level of connection a particular relationship is capable of offering will save a lot of unnecessary frustration, and help you make better decisions about where you want to expend personal energy in your time off. It’s similar to having a like IQ range, or emotional intelligence. “Capacity for depth” should also be an official realm of intelligence, at least in my book.
One can have an incredibly high IQ and have no idea how to deal with their emotions making it difficult to have a healthy relationship. One can be pristinely sincere, pure, and have great vision but lack the language or communication skills to present their inner philosophy with intellectual sophistication. Maybe communication is important to you. Maybe vibration and empathic resonance are more important to someone else. We can have creative connections, but the emotional intelligence is lacking…etc. You get the idea. And beyond the 3 I just mentioned, there are many other forms of intelligence and like ranges to parallel when choosing to intimately engage in a friendship or relationship. But... surprise, surprise, I like to focus on depth. There are so many different kinds of beautiful connections from which we are continuously learning. Because of this, taking time to assess what those connections are, what kind of value they offer, and what is most important to you when it comes to intimate relationships, will help you to know which connections are life-giving and well rounded for you personally.
In my practice, I hear a lot of people tell me that they feel alone, despite having a lot of friends. My question to them is usually around the quality of those friendships. Sometimes they are old friendships that are still intact today as a result of habit and history. And quite often, people socially engage because being busy and maintaining a full social calendar is a cultural program all too easily internalized without taking a step back and questioning whether or not it is necessary. When this happens, people often find themselves engaging in somewhat unfulfilling activities with people who don't necessarily see their soul or make them feel good or expansive or bring light to their life. Your personal time is precious. You are a being of great worth and value.
There is only so much energy to expend in the day. Be mindful of your personal energetic investment because who you give your energy to says quite a lot about the kind of energy you are going to see flying back into your world. If your friends do not see the world with the same expansiveness you hold, it means you will have to expend your own energy to become smaller to meet them where they are. That is a choice. Maybe that choice is worthwhile because of plain ole’ unconditional love. But, maybe it’s not.
Does the relationship make your muscles and body constrained?
Do you find yourself more guarded around the other person?
Do you strategically filter what you say in order to make sense to them?
Does it feel like work to hang out with them?
Do you feel exhausted or drained after spending time with that person?
Do you find yourself having two different conversations when you are speaking about a subject?
Ideally, your friendships feel supportive, expansive, easy, joyful, fulfilling, and you are drawing into your sphere those who are capable of seeing your soul.
Even just one or two friends like that will do the trick.
We all have a spiritual curriculum on the earth plane. Sometimes dear ones and soul mates swim in the same curriculum current for just one lesson, one subject, and then the river veers causing you grow apart. Let it be. They may come back. They may not. But, forcing a flow or attempting to build a damn in Spirit’s current is a useless expenditure of control energy. Choose the path of least resistance when it comes to loved ones. Nourish them. Honor them. And put the most energy into those who reflect your highest self, and bring a glittering smile to your face. That’s the point. We all need to feel supported.
And then all that extra energy you expend making yourself smaller around people who are not able to meet you on your personal growth level, can now to your family, your creativity, self-care, contribution, pets, projects or whatever holds meaning or purpose to you.
You have a lot to give. I know it. You are meant to give it. I promise. Be wise, my friends. This life is but a sweet, short dream.