Soul Mates & Twin Flames: On friendship, Love & Beyond.


You do not have just one soul mate, and they do not only come in the form of romantic partners. They are the ones who bleed and breathe with you. Often times there is a similar over soul, or like frequency to which you are both attuned that acts as an umbrella energy. It is likely you have incarnated with them throughout lifetimes. They are called soul mates because they are just that, literally mates for your soul beyond this particular life and the recognition expands outside of time and space perception. When you meet them, you feel a sense of home and familiarity as if your depths can rest from the peace of being seen without explanation, work, or even trying. When we meet soul mates it is truly a divine occurrence.
 

I’ve been blessed to attract soul mates throughout the years and find deep comfort in these connections. It is said that if a friendship surpasses 7 years it is likely to remain in tact for a lifetime. There are, of course, souls (both platonic and romantic) who come in for a lesson or a specific reason. There are some who come for a season of your life. Then, there are those who remain with you for your life span. Finally we have the ever-elusive twin flame union, but we will get to that later.
 
In friendships, soul mates are quite obvious. Quite quickly you discover the kindred spirit link, which provides that safety, ease and peace I mentioned earlier. You can also have platonic soul mates whom you love deeply, but find frustrating. If you have a pattern of attracting a similar type of friendship that triggers any type of angst, take a deeper look at what the quality is you find repelling. In meditation, ask about the soul lesson connected to the person. For example, in 3 cities, for 3 years I attracted a type of friend who I did honor, respect and have deep love for, and yet there was always something off. They repelled me and made me feel uncomfortable, as if I couldn't fully be myself. I couldn’t figure out what it was. When I moved to a new city, I would attract a very similar type of friendship. Oddly enough, all of their names started with the same letter. When I finally discovered the lesson around it, this type of person stopped appearing so powerfully in my life and I was able to let go of that particular triggering friendship. The friendships that remain with you for lifetimes are foundational. There will be times when you vibrate closely with them, and times when there is more separation for the purposes of growth through individuation. Trust where the vibrations take you and do not be afraid when your life time soul mates feel more distant. There is always a reason. I’ve gone through so many phases with one of my best friend soul mates. We would be learning the same lessons for a time, and then her soul went one way while mine went another. Our belief systems would veer and evolve as we did. But, as always, we would come back together and be able to simply stand next to one another, talk for hours and say things that no one else in the world would understand. She has been there for me through my darkest moments, my brightest lights and there is no separation anxiety when it is time for distance. She will always be a soul mate.
 
 
And now we have the karmic lover. Oh Lord, have mercy. I cannot tell you how many people come into my office in a panic and sweat, torn and twisted inside, feeling the pain, ecstasy, power and bliss that comes with push/pull patterning with your classic “hot-as-fuck-magnetic-as-fuck-divine-soul-mate-lover-balancing-karmic-energy”… Pumpkin, I'm sorry to break it to you, but it’s a classic. S(He) isn’t necessarily the “one”. {If you are having trouble letting go of an unbalanced soul mate relationship, come get a crystal bed session and we can remove hooks, cords and release karmic energy associated with the connection.} When soul mates meet, often times that karmic energy can be initially translated as sexual chemistry, especially when your soul mate comes packaged in the body of someone you wouldn’t mind making out with. I am not a lesbian (though, damn … sometimes I sure wish I was). I am probably 20% gay. But I can count a few times where I met a female soul mate who was so powerful to me, that I could not tell if I was sexually attracted to her or if it was karmic energy. It would take some time and then I would realize, “Oh! She is a soul mate and a huge part of my life!” That sexual, questioning chemistry would fade and I would know it as karmic chemical reaction happening and then fading.
 
I date and am attracted to men. And have had enough years of dating as a spiritual practice, taken courses and workshops, and experience with divine soul mates to understand the different types of frequencies. I see how these experiences and understandings help my clients. Meeting romantic soul mates can offer a love, brilliance, magnetism, and power that can put you over the moon! But all too often these soul mates connections can manifest as what we call entanglements. Entanglements are not relationships. The power of the connection keeps you linked but they can have unhealthy relating patterns, be spiritually immature, or even abusive and depleting. Your emotional wounds will be triggered and it can feel extremely uncomfortable to be enmeshed in these types of connections. Usually, they end very badly. What is so beautiful, is that you get the opportunity to open to the deeper parts of yourself and examine the wound being triggered while acknowledging that which needs healing within you. You are always a vibrational match to what you attract. All you can do is take ownership of your part. And remember, when you don't like something, take away it's only power over you: your attention. Most of the time, you are learning your own boundaries through practice while balancing karma through these experiences.

Having a powerful connection with someone does not mean you are a doormat. It does not mean that you must cling to the person out of fear that nothing that blissful will ever occur again in the future. In fact, in means that you get the opportunity to practice balancing love with strength and honoring your soul’s integrity even when you want to drop to your knees in the wake of love that feels like a high. Because, my dear, guess what? Your relationship with yourself is more important than any other relationship in this world. There is no pain that can ever truly weaken your spirit. We experience things that break us down until we realize that we are inherently unbreakable. There is nothing that anyone could ever take away from you. You are the only one who can truly block your divinity and power. That bliss is within you. Now, it certainly feels amazing when a soul mate, with whom you are so deeply familiar, is shinning their light and vortex upon you. It is so much energy! It feels amazing! But ultimately it is your job and your work to feel blissful by staying connected to Spirit and honoring yourself through care, nourishment, healthy communication and behavior that aligns with your boundaries. Remember, what you tolerate is what will continue. Entanglements begin to disappear vibrationally when you’ve learned the associate soul lesson.
 
There are also romantic soul mates beyond entanglement. This happens when both souls have evolved past drama, but you are still balancing some karmic energy. It is manifested as relationship. There is healthier communication, mutual respect, like values. There are less highs and lows than an entanglement. Some of them will go on to remain with you, some of them leave when the balancing is finished. But with all of this, again, please don’t drop your boundaries for anyone. I don’t care how cute their grin is, how much their eye twinkles, how funny they think you are when you’re mad or how good it feels like when they call you “baby”. And you know, sometimes the most incredible act of love is honoring what was, honoring your needs, honoring the soul lessons associated, and honoring the other person’s process by letting them go. You only keep learning. You can have a deep understanding of what you do actually want, by experiencing what you don’t want. And how can we manifest if we don’t know what we want? So many clients come in clinging to an idea, a mental construct created by how they think it is supposed to be. They are determined to be with this specific soul mate or that one and if they are not, then they will be depressed. They want answers. They want to know what they can do to keep this person. They are creating their own conditions instead of looking at love and opening as a choice and a gift. You do have a choice. Sometimes it makes sense to date and activate Aphrodite energy. Sometimes life lessons are around creating, child raising,  or building professional structures for ourselves. There are those people who come into our lives, and we realize there is no choice but to surrender. The thing is, that the paradigm of what relationship was, is evolving as human consciousness evolves. We are called to be more open, more clear, more loving, and to communicate authentically. Again that does not mean we allow behavior from another that hurts our soul. But it is incredibly sexy and beautiful to allow the other person their process while honoring your own. You do not know who is meant to stay with you, until you let go of them. It is only pure if they walk with you by choice.

 
Finally, there is the twin flame. Pull out the big guns y’all. This is the most intense type of relationship one can have on this Earth plane. All emotions are intensified as you are telepathically, metaphysically and spiritually connected. You have prepared yourself through experiencing karmic soul mate relationships (again the ones that are super intense but also extremely difficult and don't usually end well). The twin flame will test you. It is said to be the other half of your soul within the original spark of your creation. There is a masculine flame and a feminine flame. Usually one part of the flame (or energy) serves as a spirit guide while the other incarnates, and vice versa. Supposedly, upon final incarnation, the two come together in the same life and it is said that the meeting can be one of the most trying, powerful and expansive unions ever. You have the same core essence and values but come at them from total opposite perspectives! How perfect for soul growth and the dissolving of ego. The two of you are complete opposites and exactly the same. You are duality, united; the perfect relationship balance in essence. All too often, people think they’ve met their twin flame and tolerate unhealthy behavior. Understand that not everyone is incarnated with their twin. It is a very special and the most divine occurrence. You see, the union of these souls creates a third type of energy between them that is at their disposal to use for creation and manifestation. It is the most powerful energy that exists. This is the energy that creates worlds. We all have it within us, but when created between two flames, the energy is intensified. And to be spiritually rewarded with this creative gift, so to speak, you must pass tests and work to dissolve ego. It’s one of those relationships where you’re doing great, you think you’re super spiritual and you’ve got your shit together. Then this person knocks your socks off and you realize you still have a lot of work to do. Spirit doesn’t just hand this creative energy out to those who are not prepared on a soul level with a certain spiritual maturity. If you are not ready, you don’t get to work with this energy. You can liken this dynamic to a trinity, of sorts. These two flames together create a third flame even brighter. Their union lights up the world. At this time many twin flames are coming together to create new energies, new divine structures and paradigms that will change the course of humanity. The time is ripe for these types of unions. This is no joke and it ain’t easy. And there are different stages of coming together with this person. Firstly, there is usually logistical difficulty. There are age differences, cultural differences, location differences. They pop up at the wrong time, or live half way across the world. One partner may be in a relationship. But no matter the difficulty surrounding circumstance, meeting your flame activates and enlivens you while awakening previously dormant energies within you. When you meet this person you are truly home and it is completely mutual. You could gaze at them cross eyed for days, talk to them all night and day, melding into one energy. The feelings of love are undeniable to you both. The sexual chemistry is beyond powerful and seals the activation. There is a love bubble phase and many synchronicities that seem to be orchestrated by the universe surround this first meeting. Spirit designs this to restore faith, and propel the two flames together. Often times, it is usually more difficult for one soul to handle the intensity of the connection because it is so powerful. As the connection deepens you come into some sort of understood union or partnership with this person. True love blooms. This activation happens in a very short time frame and this time period gives you a glimpse of what a real union would be like. It is perfection. After that initial stage, it is said that the bubble bursts and not only do intense love feelings emerge but fears of the ego. Wounds, unbalanced energies, and pains arise on both sides to be cleared and healed and these feelings are just as intense as the feelings of love. Each partner must work on themselves without focusing on or controlling the other person’s healing process. The flame splits and there is usually a “runner” and a “chaser” during this separation phase. One person begins to feel overwhelmed, exposed and on a deep level has a fear of being controlled, while the other has a deep fear of rejection. They both go their separate ways and continue to evolve through individuation. One person wants the relationship, the other questions whether they can handle the intensity. Usually the runner is slightly less spiritually advanced though both partners are in the same realm here. Sometimes this phase is handled easily, within a few weeks. For others it could take months, even years in some cases. And sometimes, because of blocks from ego, twins will not reunite, only to know that love is there, viewing it from afar. This separation phase is a moment of deeper discernment as to whether or not both partners are ready for the immensity and intensity of the relationship. After the separation, the twins fully evolve and come together as one. The number sequences 11:11 can be associated with the twin flame union. The sexual chemistry is beyond any sexual experience previously known. And the relationship itself is like none other. In fact, it is said to be beyond mental constructs of relationship. It is union. If you find yourself working through twin flame dynamics, remember to stay focused on your own growth process and boundaries. Be honest with yourself around what is fear, what is ego, and what is real. If you are lucky enough to have attracted this gift, stay with the growth. The rewards are waiting.
 
As in all things, we have a choice as to how we handle the gifts, the love, the experiences, and the soul mates we manifest. The universe says, “Here, here child, this is your gift. What will you do with it? Will you learn from it? Will you appreciate it? Will you abuse yourself? Will you abuse the other? Will you compromise? Will you communicate? Will you ignore? Will you deny? Will you look deeper at yourself and your issues? Will you throw it away? Will you be the doormat? Will you come from fear? Do you know what you want? Will you stop controlling the other? Will you love and empower yourself?

You, yourself are the only thing you can control. What your soul mate does or does not do, what he or she decides is not your concern. If he or she makes a decision that you deem tragic, so be it. You have the opportunity to grow, no matter what the circumstance. The pain is but an illusion and the only thing that is truly real from the experience is love and growth.
 
Never compromise yourself, your honor, or your integrity for the sake of a soul mate.
 
Do not put up false walls because of the pain of entanglement. That which you protect so deeply is the magic that will save you.
 
Never harm yourself for the idea of blissful love or a mental construct of what you think it should be.
 
Let go of everything but your divinity and true connection to Spirit. Whoever stays for that ride, is meant to be by your side.
 
Trust that process.
 
Let us honor our soul mates: the light and the dark, and the growth in between. Forgive and receive. You are the transcendent neutrality beyond that duality, child of the light. Come forth and know yourself. You are God incarnate.
 
I love you. 

As always, it is my hope that this information serves you well. Blessed be this holiday season.